Blog 49: Negative states - 24 hours & 6 points off my license.
Well. I think we all can agree that the mojo of 2020 is….. Let go. New plans. Let go. New Plans. BE IN THE MOMENT and choose your focus! (when we don’t, we pay for it).
And to focus on what you can control - Yourself.
Here’s a short story of 24 hours and NOT mastering my state.
This week presented a few challenges to my internal state. Okay fine. I thought I was rolling with things. Getting my ducks in a row so my stress can be lower and I can be present to get into the final stages before having a baby!
By Thursday afternoon, (I am now about 38 weeks), I felt like most of my things at work were in order and I had been looking forward to Thursday as it was the last “scheduled” day with extra in it. Aka the last day I had added more to my schedule than a “normal” day.
Thursday night rolls around: here is the order of events:
Get a call from my midwife - she is having (non covid) health issues and will be out of commission now for a period. Sad for her. Sad for me. Scared. (again, ….2020 ….what next. next plan).
Sitting with my family, in the boat, Jack doesn’t want to be in the boat, neither does the dog. I am frustrated by the phone call and the fact my husband will be gone this weekend. So I let that ruin my state for the next several hours. Feeling sorry for myself that my midwife is not available and in my current state it feels like my husband is not either. I call the other midwife and get an appointment set up for tomorrow (since I was supposed to have someone check on me).
Decide it is time to go search for the old baby car-seat and realize we think it got thrown away. Dang it - there is $400 we need to go spend.
Go to bed upset. Wake up. Start to think about my state last night. Start to feel bad I was crabby at Kyle. Start to think about my mom and how I miss her. How I wish she was available this weekend to be with me. Cry.
Get ready, Get Jack ready. Can’t find my keys. Finally get going. Listen to music. Feel a little better. We are cruising to the midwife appointment and I am still in and out of listening to music and thinking about the last 24 hours. By cruising, I mean definitely speeding but I am unaware.
Lights on behind me. Pulled over. Jack thinks I am going to jail. He says he will bust me out. Lol. However, after a nice cop and a large ticket; we are back on our way to the midwife who is another 15 minutes away.
Why do I share this? Because this is how energy works.
Luckily I also have the awareness when all these things start to role like this….this is still synchronicity —-just not in the way I like to experience because I am not in a good place (mind, body, spirit) so I create more dis-ease. I phone a friend -Lisa- she to the point says, you are not PRESENT. Get present and that will stop this. Focus on your belly, Jack, the day and what you can feel grateful for.
We get home. We made a desert together. My dad calls, he has the babyseat in his garage. My husband comes home, this is not his first rodeo in dealing with me so he is gracious and also thinks the speeding ticket and Jack’s desire to break me out of Jail is funny and the night ends well with lots of snuggles and affirmations from Jack. Sweet aware little human he is. Life is good.
I could have stopped this cycle at any point. I could have stopped when I got the midwife phone call that she is unavailable and thought okay- the back up plan is probably the best plan for me and this baby then.
I could have stopped this cycle, when my husband is leaving this weekend, to think I have time to be relax and my great friend has offered to come spend time with me.
I could have stopped this cycle when I cried over my mom and thought about how much I have learned about human experience through my mom.
I could have been present while driving instead of spending so much time trying to analyze the past while I was in the car driving.
I could have stopped at ANY point (or never even let this throw me off) because I experience SO MUCH to be grateful for that its ridiculous some of the things I let bother me.
The UNIVERSE (GOD) will give you signs. It is up to us to be aware enough to look within.
And now, I need to drive really well for a while :) Thanks for reading. Enjoy my dog in our family picture. hah!